In his younger years, Eddy Baller would frequently hear second-hand stories about raucous parties that he wasn’t invited to. He would learn of get-togethers held by “friends” only after the fact, as they’d somehow failed to inform him beforehand. He suffered from depression and social anxiety, and his shyness prevented him from striking up conversations withe the girls that he had crushes on. After a handful of failed relationships in his twenties, Eddy realized that the one constant in his struggles was himself, and that if he wanted to change his circumstances, he would need to undergo a transformation.
After 15 years of personal development, and over a thousand dates, Eddy learned what it takes to attract women, make great friends, and feel good every day in spite of outside circumstances. He took control over his emotions and what he did with his life. And nowadays, he is a personal development and dating coach who shares his experience and knowledge with other men who want to improve their lives, date great women, find relationships, and learn what it truly means to feel confident.
Eddy founded UltimateManBuilder.com to provide a resource for people who need help in overcoming fear and conquering their personal obstacles in life. In addition, he has written articles for sites including Elite Daily, The Good Men Project, Mind Body Green, Plenty of Fish and, in March of 2015, he published an eBook entitled Cafe Dating For Nice Guys: The Easy Way To Meet Women. To learn more about Eddy and his work, visit www.ultimatemanbuilder.com.
What was your childhood like, and how did it shape who you are today?
I had a good home, nothing too crazy, but like with many people, my parents got divorced when I was 13 or 14. It didn’t really affect me that much as far as I can tell, as I was selfish and excited to be able to go out and drink with my friends since my dad was out of the house. It basically gave me more freedom ’til my depression hit, then it was like being a prisoner in my own mind. That didn’t happen ’til I was 16, and it was downhill from there.
Who have been your biggest influences over the course of your life?
When I first got into personal development to better my life I found Tony Robbins and really liked his msg of empowerment. I no longer follow him, though, because of his kooky endorsements of frauds like Deepak Chopra, and their discussion where they deny the existence of HIV. Anyone can Google that conversation if they don’t believe me.
Besides that, I’ve looked up to people like Jay-Z and 50 Cent, who started as a street drug dealers and become successful entrepreneurs, but especially Arnold Schwarzenegger. He’s been crushing it for over four decades and really inspires me.
Another big inspiration is the recently deceased outdoor (extreme sports) athlete, Dean Potter. I watched a documentary about him which inspired me to challenge some major fears I was facing.
My dad has inspired me too as he built two houses, from scratch, mostly by himself. I helped on one of those houses and could see his work ethic. My sister has also been an influence, having won a world Thai Boxing title, and my mom has always been hugely supportive, especially at the times in my life when I crashed.
When did you eventually begin to feel comfortable with women? Was there a particular moment when you realized that you were no longer afraid?
I can’t say that the fear has ever gone away. Almost three decades of conditioning in life is a hard thing to eliminate. The brain keeps those old neuro pathways and it’s easy to regress, but the thing that made the difference is not giving credibility to irrational fears. People think that their thoughts and feelings are immutable and all-knowing, but the truth is our thoughts and feelings don’t mean shit.
It’s not that emotions and thoughts don’t count, it’s just that they only take the meaning you give them, and the importance you decide to bestow upon them. Think about how many thousands of thoughts we have every day; how many of those thoughts materialize (through action) into anything in the real world? It’s important to realize that our thoughts aren’t shit, and you should only give attention to the highest quality thoughts to dictate your actions and control your emotions.
Every other thought is just a minute electrical charge passing briefly through your brain, and a distraction at best.
What was your most memorable first date?
Oh man, we could be traveling into some X-rated material here. It depends what kind of “date” we’re talking about, so I’ll give two different examples on the tamer side of things.
1) On the romantic side of things, I could say that climbing to the top of an amazing mountain with my girlfriend after a 15-kilometer hike, to see the turquoise glacial waters below, surrounded by ice-capped mountains and a green forest in the distance, was a pretty epic date. At that time we were already in a relationship so it may not count as a date, but was amazing.
2) On the exciting side of things; I went to a pub and was being served by a waitress who was absolutely stunning. Twenty years old with an amazing figure, sense of style, and a personality to match. I believe I tried for her number and she said some line about next time if you come I’ll give it to you. I knew she got hit on a lot, and even though it was bull, I left it at that and went on my way.
I went to the same pub again a number of weeks later, after teaching a weekend long bootcamp and the same waitress was there again. This time she put up the same kind of resistance, asking for my number instead of giving hers to me, but I wasn’t having any of it. She gave me her number and during the week I texted her.
I met her close to her area (something I normally don’t do or advise but won’t go into it right now) and she picked me up in her car.
At the pub where we were having a drink, an hour had passed and we were both getting restless.
At a moment of pause I reached over, running my fingers through her hair to the back of her head, and went for the kiss. The moment I grabbed her she looked surprised and froze. We kissed briefly on the lips, and then I acted as if nothing had happened.
A few minutes later we were in her car and she asks, “Want to come to my place for a drink?” I stayed overnight and had an amazing time. I have much more intense stories, but this was one of my best experiences considering the quality and fun of the woman I was with.
What inspired you to make the transition from “someone who goes on a lot of dates” to “someone who teaches others”?
It was sort of an accident doing this professionally. I originally started teaching on the side because I realized that I had some skills and experiences I could help other men with. I also knew that if I taught other guys, it would force me to get even better than I already was, and meet even more women.
After a short time, I saw that there was a need for this service for regular guys who had most of the things in their lives handled already, but they were missing this one key component with women.
Men are confused because of all of the contradicting messages they see. What it boils down to is the emasculation of men. I help them develop their leadership and masculine qualities in the dating world. Traits which are attractive to women, and empower men to take control of their love lives.
How do your teachings differ from those of other dating coaches?
Most dating coaches solely focus on mechanical skills or techniques. There is a real gap there because they completely skip helping men empower themselves by retaking their masculinity, and learning how to be assertive leaders in their relationships. The technical skills, like how to walk up to someone and get a date are the easiest part, but there are mind frames which will mean the difference between long-term success and failure, and happiness.
I’m also not into being a pick-up artist. I emphasize that guys can meet women and create attraction, all the while still being complete gentlemen. When I say gentlemen, I am not referring to being a pushover, that’s the nice guy syndrome, which is a different story.
What is “nice guy syndrome”? Does being a nice guy automatically equate to being a pushover?
The kind of nice guy I’m talking about isn’t just nice, he’s passive, scared of offending, and has a thin skin. As soon as he runs into resistance, he will crumble. This is the guy who is a friend to many, lover to none. The reason I specified that being a gentleman doesn’t equate to being a pushover is because many guys have the wrong idea about it; they think it means laying down and letting women walk all over them. Some guys who buy into this will try and be dicks on purpose, basically just being impolite and crude. The nice guys who buy into the pushover version of being a gentleman will go way out of their way to please women, giving in to any demand a woman makes.
Neither of these versions is a good thing. There is a balance to strike, and a lot of it will have to do with the context of a situation. In a nutshell, being a gentleman just means having good social etiquette, and being the leader or “the man.” Being a pushover means giving up leadership to the woman and giving in to all of her demands, which ironically won’t make women happy, it just turns them off.
What could someone expect to learn at one of your coaching sessions?
A guy could expect to feel empowered and overcome his fears and inhibitions surrounding meeting and dating high quality women. He will also learn how to introduce himself to any woman he’s interested in, get more dates than he’s ever had before, and actually create attraction in the women he meets.
Guys can take a weekend bootcamp, but generally I like to do longer term mentorships and guide students through every step so that they can have complete control of their love lives when we are done training. What that means is being able to have options so they can get into a relationship that they want, not one that they have to settle for.
How would you describe your ideal woman?
I have many ideals, but the main qualities I like are slim (fit) with feminine physical features, and a feminine/girly personality. Intelligence counts in this equation because I don’t like talking to people who don’t have any substance or interest in their lives. A high libido and adventurous spirit are also important.
What do you like most about living in Vancouver? What do you like least?
I like being close to so many outdoor activities. I don’t really have any complaints.
What’s the best song you’ve heard recently?
I listen to a lot of older music, so I can’t say I’ve heard anything new which stands out to me. I’ll just say Nas, “Memory Lane.”
What are you working on next?
I’m putting out a podcast and mostly focusing on the challenges men face in their dating lives, as well as achieving success in other areas to be well-rounded, empowered, and happy.