Authors

Rodney Lacroix

March 27, 2014

Author Rodney Lacroix is just one of those guys. He’s one of those guys that make you say, “You know, I’m glad I’m not THAT guy.”

Rodney can stub his toe while brushing his teeth. He can get a flat tire while walking. Things, well, things just go wrong for Rodney.

A native of New England, Rodney Lacroix is a computer technician by day, father-of-two by night, and always — always — has something funny to tell you about what happened that day. He has been writing about his misadventures at his popular blog, Mental Poo, since 2007. He’s also done stand-up comedy, emceed charity events and has hung out with many celebrities.

Lacroix released his first book, Things Go Wrong For Me, in 2012, and followed it up in 2013 with Perhaps I’ve Said Too Much.

lacroixYou launched your website in 2007. What was the motivation for doing so? Fame? Riches? Just the desire to have a platform with which to air your various daily thoughts?

Fame and riches were the primary motivational factor in starting my blog. At the time, I had no idea what a blog was. It actually sounds like something you find in a public toilet.

“Don’t go in there. Huge blog left behind.”

I had a coworker who said he was starting a blog. I asked what it was and he replied, “It’s a website where you write some stories and put up advertisements and you make money.” He had me at “money” so I started one and — CHACHING — 6 years later I’ve made maybe $6.57 off the thing in US Dollars. So, you know, totally not worth it.

For your first book, you snagged a back-cover quote from Jenny McCarthy. How did that come about, and were you at all afraid that her then-boyfriend Brian Urlacher would track you down and beat you up?

How I snagged Jenny McCarthy is one of the greatest love stories of our time.

I wish.

I have a good friend/fan from San Diego who runs a social media marketing business (shout out to Monique from Sunset Social, Inc.) who knows Jenny personally. Obviously, this makes me quite jealous because I’d like to be that close and have the potential option to someday have sex with Jenny without drugging her or something. So I asked Monique if she thought Jenny would read the book and give me a quote and — BAM — there it was. If you have any social media marketing needs please contact Monique and tell her to tell Jenny I said “hey” and that my offer of free, non-committal nookie is still out there. Thank you in advance.

The preceding is not a paid advertisement.

You’ve written openly about your divorce, your vasectomy, manscaping and much more. Have you ever written anything, then decided not to publish it because it was too personal? If so, where is the line you don’t want to cross? Is there a line?

The very last story in my latest book was one of those things. It was originally a blog post that lasted a total of three hours before I got so much crap from people about it that I decided to take it down. That being said, it was completely rewritten and given the full blessing of the person involved so if you’d like to see what the line WAS, go get my new book.

There are always lines I don’t want to cross — mainly personal issues and skeletons and my incredibly broken penis. Well. I guess scratch that last line off the list because I guess I just crossed it.

Related: please send me Viagra because my new health insurance doesn’t cover it.

When it comes to marketing your books, which methods work best for you? And in general, do you enjoy the marketing process?

I don’t know what works because I still drive a Honda Civic. Please ask this again when I’m in, like, a Porsche or something. That being said, word of mouth and reviews are ALWAYS the best marketing tools — it’s just a matter of trying to get people to TALK about your book because no one likes extra work.

I can tell you what doesn’t work is sending out nude selfies to strange women. Don’t ask me how I know that.

What’s the most enjoyable aspect of living in New England? And the least enjoyable?

The greatest thing about New England is getting to experience all four seasons. Summer, it’s hot. Spring, it’s gorgeous. Fall, it’s beautiful. Winter, it’s effing cold and we get snow.

Compare this to, like, Arizona where the forecast every day for all 4 seasons are: hot with a chance of tarantulas. Screw that.

The least enjoyable thing about New England is that each season only lasts 3 weeks with the exception of winter. We are currently in our 14th month of winter here right now and it’s getting pretty tiring.

What do you wish you’d figured out at a much younger age than you did?

I would either have to say the Rubik’s Cube and/or women. Thank God there aren’t female Rubik’s Cubes out there because I probably would have committed myself to a mental institution YEARS ago.

Actually I think my real answer here is sex, because I pretty much figured it out, like, three years ago but now I’m actually too old and tired to properly use this knowledge. Luckily, I learned how to use booze sooner rather than later so if I combine giving booze to my wife with my three minutes of sexytime, it actually creates an illusion that I’m way better at it than I really am.

What would you do with your time if you could afford to quit your job and live a life of leisure?

Stalk Kate Upton. I’d have a lot more time and probably much better equipment.

And now you know why my latest book is called Perhaps I’ve Said Too Much.

What’s the best meal you’ve ever eaten?

Her name was Cindy and she… OH.

Meal.

My wife and I recently went to Vegas and stayed at Paris. We had the best experience of dining at Gordon Ramsey Steak which was — by far — one of the greatest meals I’ve ever had. Keep in mind it cost us $400 so it SHOULD have been the greatest meal. Honestly, at that price I should probably still be eating. That one dinner cost me the equivalent of two car payments for my Civic. However, it will probably seem cheap compared to what I’ll be paying for that Porsche. Please buy my books.

The Bruins are currently sitting in first place in the Eastern Conference. With the playoffs just around the corner, how confident are you? What potential opponents scare you the most? And what are the keys to Boston winning the cup?

As I write this, they have now won TWELVE straight games which kind of scares me because maybe they’re peaking right now. I remember when I peaked at 18 and it’s been downhill ever since (see Viagra comment earlier). I just hope they don’t crap the bed come playoff time.

As far as opponents I’m afraid of? I’m not sure. They seem to be handling most pretty well but I hope someone takes out Pittsburgh before we see them again. I don’t know if Tonya Harding is still available but if she can whack Sidney Crosby prior to the playoffs, I appreciate it.*

*send you a signed copy of my book

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve received?

Stop stalking Kate Upton.

Actually, I’m not sure what the best piece of advice I’ve ever received is. I usually tend to ignore advice from people — good or not. This is usually to my detriment and results in me having some type of corrective surgery. A lot of that advice ends with “I wouldn’t do that if I were you” and — I have to tell you — if someone says this to you they probably know what they’re talking about.

What are you working on next?

Right now I’m working on the marketing for my first two books. The diagrams for my next book — which is ONLY a picture book — are pretty much done and submitted. My next written work will be a collaboration with my editor, Ross Cavins, who is also a best-selling author. Right now the book is a how-to on your next relationship and called, Just Marr..ed — I smell Pulitzer.

Pulitzer is the name of my penis. I should probably go shower.

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